Classic Captions – '57 Dodge Royal Lancer Edition

Hooniverse’s Classic Caption Contest for this week features some appropriately manly ’50s military men having a testosterone-fueled chat near an Air Force jet and a Dodge Royal Lancer. What is that airman saying? Why are the other two smiling? Why is there a civilian car parked on the apron at a military base? How can this scene be made humorous? Those are all questions it is up to you, dear Hive-Mind, to ponder deeply and answer in the comments.

1925 Dodge Touring CarLast week’s old-timey Dodge ad illustration seemed to be a bit too old-timey for you guys, as it elicited only about half the usual number of comments and few upvotes. Fortunately, one comment in particular made it quite worth the read. Batshitbox gave us this jewel of a comment: “Here we see the fruit of proletarian youth fresh from studies at the Communist Culinary Academy, arriving at the farm to guide the sturdy rural workers, trowels raised in joy, towards a high yield crop of delicacies for the plates of the leaders of the Glorious Oligarchic Party.” What’s surreal is how well it fits. Righteous, Dude.

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  1. onrails Avatar

    “Guys, I appreciate the devistation that this bomb will have on our enemies, but there’s no way it’ll hook up under my plane.”

    1. Texlenin Avatar

      if they can hook a toilet under a Skyraider hardpoint, this’ll be a cinch!
      We will need a slightly larger plane, tho….

  2. Wayne Moyer Avatar
    Wayne Moyer

    “So there I was on this on Ford’s six and I get up on two wheels just to show how much faster I am then guess what? The damned hemi had a premature combustion problem. I mean it happens to all MOPAR’s but what the heck. That darned Ford got away. So I dragged it back here and parked it next to the old FU-86. It’s time for a Viking funeral. So you ready to help me out?”

  3. P161911 Avatar

    “So I was driving on the coast, and the next thing I know one of those Navy fly boys is trying to land on the hood of my Dodge! I know the hood is big, but it ain’t a carrier deck!”

    1. 0A5599 Avatar

      You’re thinking of a Dodge Intrepid.

  4. Batshitbox Avatar

    Woo Hoo! I said something clever!
    I have to admit to being greatly influenced by the liner notes from Killdozer’s “Uncompromising War On Art Under The Dictatorship Of The Proletariat” and Pabst Blue Ribbon. I’m glad my dig at the G.O.P. got past the censors. Viva Earl Scheib!

  5. P161911 Avatar

    “So as Kelly Johnson explained it to me you come up behind the U-2 at about 135mph and talk the pilot down the rest of the way. Yeah, the Dodge will keep up, its got a Hemi!”

  6. Citric Avatar

    “Anyone else find it weird that the Royal Air Force doesn’t drive these but we, the guys from a country that rejected the monarchy, do?”

  7. Sjalabais Avatar

    So this is how you use the afterburner to get that sealed beam unstuck.

  8. Manic_King Avatar

    “Yeah, let’s talk about leaf springs, they’re shaped kinda like thiiis……”

  9. Batshitbox Avatar

    Two words: “Aerodynamics”

  10. Dirty Dingus McGee Avatar
    Dirty Dingus McGee

    “See Bob, when you get THIS far into a right hand curve, this is how far this Dodge is leaning over”

  11. Alff Avatar

    “Damndest orders I ever received, dropping all of these red and white ’57 Mopars on the Rooskies. Apparently they wreak havoc, like they’re supernaturally possessed or somethin’”

    1. Wayne Moyer Avatar
      Wayne Moyer

      So I wasn’t the only person thinking of Christine when I saw the image.

      1. Joey DaVive Avatar
        Joey DaVive

        No, that chrome grimace is front and center
        see tasteless contribution, above

  12. 0A5599 Avatar

    Do to budget cutbacks, and in an attempt to curtail the hop-on problem, the Pentagon experimented with using large fins to replace the staircase on military stair cars.

  13. Mr. Ollivander Avatar
    Mr. Ollivander

    “I thought flyboys got the sexy cars.”

    1. Prince Halibrand Avatar
      Prince Halibrand

      No, your thinking of astronauts.

    2. Wayne Moyer Avatar
      Wayne Moyer

      Most of the movies I’ve seen with flyboys have them driving silly little British two seaters.

  14. engineerd Avatar

    I came around her like this and gave her a little maneuver I like to call the “royal lancet”. Too bad she dodged me.

  15. Prince Halibrand Avatar
    Prince Halibrand

    “When I nap, I like to prop up my pillow like this, and stretch my legs out like that…”

  16. Alff Avatar

    “Okay, let’s go through this again. If mission commander’s progress with the target is being impeded by her girlfriends, the wingman swoops in and chats ’em up. It’s not hard, and you don’t even have to be single to do it. You got that?”

  17. theskitter Avatar

    I’m just struck by the sophistication and optimization of the plane compared to the blunt terribleness of the car.

    1. Tanshanomi Avatar

      I’m not sure if you were proposing that as a captioned quotation, but it certainly works as one.

  18. rMac Avatar

    I tell you, we cut the plane on the red line. Put hinges on top. Then we drive this Baby in. We’ll call it a C130.

  19. Fuhrman16 Avatar

    “I’m telling ya Frank, just imagine how much cooler our jets would be with a two tone paint job and tons of chrome!”

  20. Rust-MyEnemy Avatar

    “Ah, right! I never realised that Flight Sweep was an actual manoeuvre!”

  21. Joey DaVive Avatar
    Joey DaVive

    Christine. PMS.
    nuff said