For a Lemons team like ours, it’s not hard to see the obvious benefits of having a garage space next to the penalty box.
Unfortunately, our presence here is no longer welcome by our esteemed race safety officials, AKA the Greatest Racing Judges Assembled in the History of Motorsports.
Why are we here, typing on this laptop while sitting on rickety folding chairs that are themselves a significant safety concern? And isn’t our current status the EXACT OPPOSITE of our intended team strategy, which we all agreed was: TOTAL DOMINATION!?!?
A number of possible answers present themselves, only the least of which have something to do with “passing under yellow”, “spinning in turn 7” and “adjusting the body panel alignment on another team’s Volvo at speed”. The REAL reasons are much harder to pinpoint, but we offer these strong suggestions as possible causes:
- Perhaps, we have been possessed by the the crashy demon spirits of Altamont 2007.
- Perhaps, sensing it’s impending death from injuries sustained last fall at Thunderhill, our Snowspeeder MR2 decided that it would henceforth consider driver inputs as merely “suggestions”, and instead decided that the car would make its way around the hallowed asphalt of It-Will-Always-Be-Sears-Point-To-Me on ITS OWN terms.
- Unintended acceleration due to poorly designed factory floor mats.
- Having run a number of races with relatively clean noses, we began to miss the companionship, camaraderie, and warm fellowship of Judges Phil, Judge Matt and our esteemed proofreader and penalty-dole-er-outer, Judge Tim. We shall share hugs, mango smoothies, and warm stories of times past at the conclusion of this writing effort.
- Judge Phil suggested that the quality of writing on Hooniverse was suffering as of late, and needed a healthy injection of hot-headed idiot driver mentality. In his mind, since we can’t drive, maybe we can write. Seems logical. For Lemons.
- Apparently, the “I don’t care if they run over a baby! Let ’em go!” pass, issued by Jay, ends after you get 4 black flags in one race.
- While testing the phenomenal data collection and live telemety capabilities of Autosport Labs’ Race Capture Pro, we decided that the penalty box area needed to be thoroughly evaluated for GPS detection capability. Seriously, though – check them out.
So here we are. We feel a little like the kids at Shermer High explaining who we think we are.
We are:
- A spacey, disorganized team owner with a checkbook. Who can’t drive.
- A dead-sexy stubborn wrench bender. Who can’t drive.
- A OCD checklist-creating data lover. Who can’t drive.
- A fabricating hothead. Who didn’t drive, because he’s not here.
So, Judge Tim:
Does that answer your question?
Sincerely Yours,
The Snowspeeder Pilots Association, Team #300
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