Here at Hooniverse, we’re all friends of LeMons. (As you are too, I imagine.) So any chance to help this organization achieve its goal of taking over the world achieving the zenith of crapcar racing excellence is welcome. And now you can join us!
A quick glance at the 2010 LeMons calendar reveals a packed schedule. There are races in 11 states across the country. They’re at racetracks as diverse as Thunderhill, Mid-America, and Autobahn Country Club. There are even a couple of car shows thrown in there to mix things up a little. And one event in particular, the aptly-titled LeMons New England, happening July 24-25th at Stafford Motor Speedway, is looking a bit funny there…
Where’s the love for the states that founded the country? Why should races in other regions get catchy, zany titles like Gator-O-Rama, Arse-Freeze-Apalooza, Laissez les Crapheaps Roulez, Southern Discomfort (slang for gastrointestinal infection, no doubt) or the vaunted Rod Blagojevich Never-Say-Die 500? What’s a “blagojevich,” anyway? Some obscene Yiddish swear word? That’s weaksauce, brah. Surely we lobster-shucking, bean-farting, gay-marrying, tax-inflating, Sawx-loving, molasses-drowning, non-rhoticizing, Godsmack-blaring, Volvo-driving, Kennedy-stalking, teddy-bear-making, Sam-Adams-chugging, Boston-Massacring, Big-Digging, McGovern-voting, Yale-namedropping, secession-threatening, Good-Will-Hunting, Hahvahd-Yahd-pahking bunch of hoity-toity liberal weenies can do better than that!
So we’re putting you, Dear Commentariat, to work. Think of a name for this wonderful event that best captures the essence of New England: the beautiful autumn scenery, the quaint 18th-century villages, the prepubescent oral hygenic nanny state hand-wringing. Draw from your experiences living in this fine region–but even better if you haven’t, as you can draw on the finest grab-bag of regional stereotyping available to those in flyover country out-of-staters!
Later this week I’ll post the finest titles for our readers to vote on—after all, you won’t have anything better to do at work, anyway. And the commenter with the finest name will win a fabulous Hooniverse/LeMons prize pack! Including a “lightly sweated” LeMons hoodie, a Hooniverse T-shirt, and Aerosmith tickets the undying love of millions of hoons around the Boston–Washington megalopolis. Try wrangling that out of Bob Barker’s cold, dead hands.
Here’s a completely gratuitous Dropkick Murphys song to help spark some inspiration.
Calling all Hooniversians: Rename LeMons New England, win fabulous prizes!
About
73 responses to “Calling all Hooniversians: Rename LeMons New England, win fabulous prizes!”
-
1. East Coast Elite
2. LeMons or Death!
3. Lobster and Taxes -
Some cool cars and other stuff… http://tinyurl.com/24ftzc4
-
Ring of blown chowder head gaskets.
-
1. Lobster and Quahog Massacree
2. Clam Chowder and Beer or Give Me Death!
3. Kick the Bucket in Nantucket -
Come for the leaves, stay for the beer
-
Mary Jo Kopechne Memorial Race
-
Nice!
-
Okay, given that I'm less than two hours from Stafford Springs (and in fact plan to attend as a spectator this year, shit, I'd better hurry up that planning thing), I'm on the lookout for a reasonably-nearby inexpensive '67-ish Oldsmobile, preferably a Delmont 88.
Seriously, if I had the cash, this might be suitable – there's $400 of trim there, and it's only a year off – and from there it'd just be a matter of rounding up a few teammates, welding in a cage, and acquiring safety gear… what could go wrong?-
You'd need a doll in the passenger seat for the full effect. And a couple bottles of Maker's Mark rolling around under the seats.
-
I suggested a beat-ass Continental convertible with John F., Jackie O., and John Connally at one point not long ago, and I think it'd either have to be launched in New England or Texas.
Bonus points if, as a penalty, they're forced to remove part of Kennedy's head and remount his wife on the trunklid.
I'm sorry, but only slightly.
-
-
-
-
Blueblood and Guts Enduro
-
Unfortunately, My Left Nutmeg is already taken.
I would also like to propose a meet up of some sort there. I'm going, if I have to walk.-
Where are you again, comrade?
-
Bahhhstin
-
Well, I'm coming from south/southwestern New Hampshire, so that's mildly out of my way, but if you can't hitch a ride with Danger…
-
-
-
-
It’s called LeMons New England because we’re uptight. Do you have a a problem with that?
-
how about the Teddy Kennedy Memorial Chappaquidick plunge?
-
The ConRod Massacre Memorial Event
-
The Wicked Sweet Boston Bean Massacre Liberty Bell 24 Hour Endurance Race of Patriots!
-
Or as I like to call it, the WSBBMLB24HEROP.
-
Liberty Bell is in Philly
-
-
-
Tessie's Terrible Twenty Four
-
Uptight, left-n-right.
-
-The Crapboxes are Coming! The Crapboxes are Coming!
-Clam 'n' Bawl Run
-Masshole in the Crankcase
-Cape Cotterpin
-Paul Revere and the Radiators
-Yankee Doodle Derelicts
-Pahk the Cah in Hahvahd Yahd up on Blocks -
LeMons Overhead Cam Chowder Edition
-
There is probably something that can be done with "Maine bearings" and "Mass airflow sensor."
-
Harvard Squares on the Stafford Oval
-
Gettin' to Bangor
-
-
-The Battle of Drunken Hill
-I'm Shipping up to Stafford -
Tha wicked sweet 24 hour lahmahns cah race.
-
Apparently comments don’t wanna load for me today, so apologies if someone’s already suggested something similar:
Paul Revere’s Revenge
Twenny Foah Howahs in a Wicked Sweet Cah
Snobbery Prevails
We’ve Got Money And We’re Not Allowed To Use It-
I read "Twenny Foah Howahs in a Wicked Sweet Cah" as "Twenny-Foah Who-uhs…" at first…
[youtube jtD5nuaI0Go http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtD5nuaI0Go youtube]
…and then read it again. -
"Twenny Foah Howahs in a Wicked Sweet Cah"
I gotta admit, that's very good.-
I think it'd be better as "wikkit awesome", or – if it was held closer to Boston – "wikkit pissah". Still, it very much earned my approval.
-
-
-
Drunken Lug Nuts
-
It's the Wicked Pissah Race for the Chowdah Cup.
-
The You Can't Get Theah from Heah 24 Hours
-
The One if by Hook, Two if by Trailer 24
-
Riffing on that theme:
"The Paul Revere Memorial 24-Hour Ride/Push/Tow"
or
"The British Were Coming, But They Broke Down Endurance Challenge"
or
"Churchtower Lamps by Lucas Electric 500"
-
-
Connecticut Yankees in Murilee's Court
-
The Ted Williams' Frozen Head Grand Prix of Endurance
-
Well, Lime Rock is in Connecticut, so this could be LeMons Rock.
-
Free Internet Memorial 500, Presented by Senator Lieberman
Like A Plymouth Rock -
The Depahted Pilgrims from Yawkey Way Cah Race
-
No mention of tea bags?
-
The LeMons Tea Party?
-
Better than "Boston LeMons Party."
-
Hahaha… LeMon Party would be a GREAT theme.
-
-
-
The Double Dunked Tea Bag Two-Day (!)
-
-
The Ted Kennedy Free Socialist Healthcare, So Feel Free to Crash If You Want 500
-
All the prize money will be redistributed?
-
-
The Carpetbagger Crapcan Carerra
-
BTW, here's you some Aerosmith tickets http://boston.craigslist.org/nos/cto/1803435634.h…
-
How about the 'Colonial Calamity'? Say that three times fast.
-
Excellent, even safe to advertise with.
-
-
How ’bout:
– The Boston Tow Part & Overhead Cam Bake?
– The Barely Legal Seafood Showdown?
– Kenedy Crashfest & Boston Tow Party 500?
– The Boston Mashup?-
Barely legal seafood is funny…
edit: they make some surprisingly good Mojitos at Legal Seafood btw
-
-
NO RACIN' WITH OUT BOOZE TAXATION
-
The Masshole $500
The above suggestion incorporates both New England stereotypes – think a drunken Peter Griffin heckling the racers from the stands – and the $500 car limit. -
The Masshole $500
The above suggestion incorporates both New England stereotypes – think a drunken Peter Griffin heckling the racers from the stands – and the $500 car limit.
(I don't know why the comments did something funny!) -
1. The Boston Tea Party, With LeMons.
2. Yankees Racing Junk Cars For The Hell Of It.
3. The Massachusetts Seantorial Race. -
1. Pilgrim's Regress
2. The Race that Tries Mens' Souls -
The Commonwealth Senseless
-
ooooo, I like this one.
-
Dammit Amber… you can't win. However, that is a fucking good one.
I think you can't win at least…-
I mean, I can TRY! If I win, I'll donate my winnings to the next hoon in line. Maybe. HA!
-
-
-
The Double Dunked Tea Bagged Two-Day
-
Chowdaheadah and mufflah extravaganzah
-
Oh man, I just stumbled across this. Now distributing it to the rest of the LeMons high command.
Although, I must say, LeMons New England does have one of the best race logos.
ED: Edited for html -
Connecticut Contretemps
Greenwich Grand Prix (if you're going for irony) -
24 Hours to Bang It and Hang It.
Lowering the Bah.
some of these suggestions have me falling of my chair! -
This is Awesome! Thank you so much.
-
Always nice to stumble onto a new website this good. I will be back here for sure!
Leave a Reply