Calling all Hooniversians: Rename LeMons New England, win fabulous prizes!

If you win, we'll try to make sure this won't happen to you.

Here at Hooniverse, we’re all friends of LeMons. (As you are too, I imagine.) So any chance to help this organization achieve its goal of taking over the world achieving the zenith of crapcar racing excellence is welcome. And now you can join us!
A quick glance at the 2010 LeMons calendar reveals a packed schedule. There are races in 11 states across the country. They’re at racetracks as diverse as Thunderhill, Mid-America, and Autobahn Country Club. There are even a couple of car shows thrown in there to mix things up a little. And one event in particular, the aptly-titled LeMons New England, happening July 24-25th at Stafford Motor Speedway, is looking a bit funny there…
Where’s the love for the states that founded the country? Why should races in other regions get catchy, zany titles like Gator-O-Rama, Arse-Freeze-Apalooza, Laissez les Crapheaps Roulez, Southern Discomfort (slang for gastrointestinal infection, no doubt) or the vaunted Rod Blagojevich Never-Say-Die 500? What’s a “blagojevich,” anyway? Some obscene Yiddish swear word? That’s weaksauce, brah. Surely we lobster-shucking, bean-farting, gay-marrying, tax-inflating, Sawx-loving, molasses-drowning, non-rhoticizing, Godsmack-blaring, Volvo-driving, Kennedy-stalking, teddy-bear-making, Sam-Adams-chugging, Boston-Massacring, Big-Digging, McGovern-voting, Yale-namedropping, secession-threatening, Good-Will-Hunting, Hahvahd-Yahd-pahking bunch of hoity-toity liberal weenies can do better than that!
So we’re putting you, Dear Commentariat, to work. Think of a name for this wonderful event that best captures the essence of New England: the beautiful autumn scenery, the quaint 18th-century villages, the prepubescent oral hygenic nanny state hand-wringing. Draw from your experiences living in this fine region–but even better if you haven’t,  as you can draw on the finest grab-bag of regional stereotyping available to those in flyover country out-of-staters!
Later this week I’ll post the finest titles for our readers to vote on—after all, you won’t have anything better to do at work, anyway. And the commenter with the finest name will win a fabulous Hooniverse/LeMons prize pack! Including a “lightly sweated” LeMons hoodie, a Hooniverse T-shirt, and Aerosmith tickets the undying love of millions of hoons around the Boston–Washington megalopolis. Try wrangling that out of Bob Barker’s cold, dead hands.
Here’s a completely gratuitous Dropkick Murphys song to help spark some inspiration.

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73 responses to “Calling all Hooniversians: Rename LeMons New England, win fabulous prizes!”

  1. engineerd Avatar

    1. East Coast Elite
    2. LeMons or Death!
    3. Lobster and Taxes

  2. jjd241 Avatar

    Some cool cars and other stuff…

  3. tiberiuswise Avatar

    Ring of blown chowder head gaskets.

  4. dmilligan Avatar

    1. Lobster and Quahog Massacree
    2. Clam Chowder and Beer or Give Me Death!
    3. Kick the Bucket in Nantucket

  5. JeepyJayhawk Avatar

    Come for the leaves, stay for the beer

  6. engineerd Avatar

    Mary Jo Kopechne Memorial Race

    1. scroggzilla Avatar
    2. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar

      Okay, given that I'm less than two hours from Stafford Springs (and in fact plan to attend as a spectator this year, shit, I'd better hurry up that planning thing), I'm on the lookout for a reasonably-nearby inexpensive '67-ish Oldsmobile, preferably a Delmont 88.
      Seriously, if I had the cash, this might be suitable – there's $400 of trim there, and it's only a year off – and from there it'd just be a matter of rounding up a few teammates, welding in a cage, and acquiring safety gear… what could go wrong?

      1. bzr Avatar

        You'd need a doll in the passenger seat for the full effect. And a couple bottles of Maker's Mark rolling around under the seats.

        1. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar

          I suggested a beat-ass Continental convertible with John F., Jackie O., and John Connally at one point not long ago, and I think it'd either have to be launched in New England or Texas.
          Bonus points if, as a penalty, they're forced to remove part of Kennedy's head and remount his wife on the trunklid.
          I'm sorry, but only slightly.

  7. Alff Avatar

    Blueblood and Guts Enduro

  8. Van Sarockin Avatar
    Van Sarockin

    Unfortunately, My Left Nutmeg is already taken.
    I would also like to propose a meet up of some sort there. I'm going, if I have to walk.

    1. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar

      Where are you again, comrade?

      1. Van Sarockin Avatar
        Van Sarockin


        1. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar

          Well, I'm coming from south/southwestern New Hampshire, so that's mildly out of my way, but if you can't hitch a ride with Danger…

  9. BPR Avatar

    It’s called LeMons New England because we’re uptight. Do you have a a problem with that?

  10. johndeere97 Avatar

    how about the Teddy Kennedy Memorial Chappaquidick plunge?

  11. mgrinshpon Avatar

    The ConRod Massacre Memorial Event

  12. Han_Solex Avatar

    The Wicked Sweet Boston Bean Massacre Liberty Bell 24 Hour Endurance Race of Patriots!

    1. Han_Solex Avatar

      Or as I like to call it, the WSBBMLB24HEROP.

      1. Jeff Glucker Avatar
        Jeff Glucker

        Liberty Bell is in Philly

  13. SSurfer321 Avatar

    Tessie's Terrible Twenty Four

  14. ZomBee Racer Avatar

    Uptight, left-n-right.

  15. Tomsk Avatar

    -The Crapboxes are Coming! The Crapboxes are Coming!
    -Clam 'n' Bawl Run
    -Masshole in the Crankcase
    -Cape Cotterpin
    -Paul Revere and the Radiators
    -Yankee Doodle Derelicts
    -Pahk the Cah in Hahvahd Yahd up on Blocks

  16. Peter Tanshanomi Avatar
    Peter Tanshanomi

    LeMons Overhead Cam Chowder Edition

  17. Peter Tanshanomi Avatar
    Peter Tanshanomi

    There is probably something that can be done with "Maine bearings" and "Mass airflow sensor."

  18. alff Avatar

    Harvard Squares on the Stafford Oval

    1. Alff Avatar

      Gettin' to Bangor

  19. Dr_Dangerously Avatar

    -The Battle of Drunken Hill
    -I'm Shipping up to Stafford

  20. 1.8Tquattro Avatar

    Tha wicked sweet 24 hour lahmahns cah race.

  21. Dearthair Avatar

    Apparently comments don’t wanna load for me today, so apologies if someone’s already suggested something similar:
    Paul Revere’s Revenge
    Twenny Foah Howahs in a Wicked Sweet Cah
    Snobbery Prevails
    We’ve Got Money And We’re Not Allowed To Use It

    1. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar

      I read "Twenny Foah Howahs in a Wicked Sweet Cah" as "Twenny-Foah Who-uhs…" at first…
      [youtube jtD5nuaI0Go youtube]
      …and then read it again.

    2. Peter Tanshanomi Avatar
      Peter Tanshanomi

      "Twenny Foah Howahs in a Wicked Sweet Cah"
      I gotta admit, that's very good.

      1. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar

        I think it'd be better as "wikkit awesome", or – if it was held closer to Boston – "wikkit pissah". Still, it very much earned my approval.

  22. Dr_Dangerously Avatar

    Drunken Lug Nuts

  23. LTDScott Avatar

    It's the Wicked Pissah Race for the Chowdah Cup.

  24. Alff Avatar

    The You Can't Get Theah from Heah 24 Hours

  25. Smells_Homeless Avatar

    The One if by Hook, Two if by Trailer 24

    1. Thrashy Avatar

      Riffing on that theme:
      "The Paul Revere Memorial 24-Hour Ride/Push/Tow"
      "The British Were Coming, But They Broke Down Endurance Challenge"
      "Churchtower Lamps by Lucas Electric 500"

  26. P161911 Avatar

    Connecticut Yankees in Murilee's Court

  27. scroggzilla Avatar

    The Ted Williams' Frozen Head Grand Prix of Endurance

  28. P161911 Avatar

    Well, Lime Rock is in Connecticut, so this could be LeMons Rock.

  29. smokyburnout Avatar

    Free Internet Memorial 500, Presented by Senator Lieberman
    Like A Plymouth Rock

  30. Jeff Glucker Avatar
    Jeff Glucker

    The Depahted Pilgrims from Yawkey Way Cah Race

  31. Ambersand Avatar

    No mention of tea bags?

    1. engineerd Avatar

      The LeMons Tea Party?

      1. bzr Avatar

        Better than "Boston LeMons Party."

        1. Jeff Glucker Avatar
          Jeff Glucker

          Hahaha… LeMon Party would be a GREAT theme.

    2. Van Sarockin Avatar
      Van Sarockin

      The Double Dunked Tea Bag Two-Day (!)

  32. bzr Avatar

    The Ted Kennedy Free Socialist Healthcare, So Feel Free to Crash If You Want 500

    1. engineerd Avatar

      All the prize money will be redistributed?

  33. BrianTheHoon Avatar

    The Carpetbagger Crapcan Carerra

  34. Dr_Dangerously Avatar

    BTW, here's you some Aerosmith tickets

  35. packratmatt Avatar

    How about the 'Colonial Calamity'? Say that three times fast.

    1. name_too_long Avatar

      Excellent, even safe to advertise with.

  36. Hopman Avatar

    How ’bout:
    – The Boston Tow Part & Overhead Cam Bake?
    – The Barely Legal Seafood Showdown?
    – Kenedy Crashfest & Boston Tow Party 500?
    – The Boston Mashup?

    1. Jeff Glucker Avatar
      Jeff Glucker

      Barely legal seafood is funny…
      edit: they make some surprisingly good Mojitos at Legal Seafood btw

  37. Texan_Idiot25 Avatar


  38. DeadinSide Avatar

    The Masshole $500
    The above suggestion incorporates both New England stereotypes – think a drunken Peter Griffin heckling the racers from the stands – and the $500 car limit.

  39. DeadinSideInc Avatar

    The Masshole $500
    The above suggestion incorporates both New England stereotypes – think a drunken Peter Griffin heckling the racers from the stands – and the $500 car limit.
    (I don't know why the comments did something funny!)

  40. superbadd75 Avatar

    1. The Boston Tea Party, With LeMons.
    2. Yankees Racing Junk Cars For The Hell Of It.
    3. The Massachusetts Seantorial Race.

  41. ptschett Avatar

    1. Pilgrim's Regress
    2. The Race that Tries Mens' Souls

  42. Ambersand Avatar

    The Commonwealth Senseless

    1. Texan_Idiot25 Avatar

      ooooo, I like this one.

    2. Jeff Glucker Avatar
      Jeff Glucker

      Dammit Amber… you can't win. However, that is a fucking good one.
      I think you can't win at least…

      1. Ambersand Avatar

        I mean, I can TRY! If I win, I'll donate my winnings to the next hoon in line. Maybe. HA!

  43. Van Sarockin Avatar
    Van Sarockin

    The Double Dunked Tea Bagged Two-Day

  44. nofrillls Avatar

    Chowdaheadah and mufflah extravaganzah

  45. theeastbaykid Avatar

    Oh man, I just stumbled across this. Now distributing it to the rest of the LeMons high command.
    Although, I must say, LeMons New England does have one of the best race logos.

    ED: Edited for html

  46. Al Navarro Avatar
    Al Navarro

    Connecticut Contretemps
    Greenwich Grand Prix (if you're going for irony)

  47. alcology Avatar

    24 Hours to Bang It and Hang It.
    Lowering the Bah.
    some of these suggestions have me falling of my chair!

  48. satellite tv on pc Avatar

    This is Awesome! Thank you so much.

  49. online surveys Avatar

    Always nice to stumble onto a new website this good. I will be back here for sure!