Call them what they are – Ford and Chrysler edition

Kamil Kaluski

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Fords

Car manufacturers have recently gone alphanumeric nomenclature crazy. The two biggest offenders are BMW and Lincoln; BMW used to offer only three different models, but now they have eight in amazing 78 variations with weird S and X suffixes. Lincoln has all kinds of problems,of which its naming convention is almost the least of. Other offenders include Acura, Audi, Lexus, Infitini,… and many more. No, wait, Infiniti realized its mistake and is making things even more confusing for the time being.

But there are manufacturers that have stuck to using proper names for their cars, Ford and Chrysler being two of them. However, those two have a surplus of historic model names and yet they still choose to invent new ones. Whatever their case maybe, a young man by the name of Shant Jaltorossian decided to apply some of those historic model names to Ford’s and Chrysler’s current lineups with some really cool results. See the above improved retro Ford lineup and click the jump to see the Dodges.

Thanks Shant!

Chrysler

About

Kamil Kaluski

Kamil Kaluski

East Coast Editor. Races crappy cars and has an unhealthy obsession with Eastern Bloc cars. Current fleet: 4Runner, Integra, Regal, Lada

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65 responses to “Call them what they are – Ford and Chrysler edition”

  1. Sam Avatar
    Sam

    Fucking Ramcharger.

    Reply
    1. Shant Jaltorossian Avatar
      Shant Jaltorossian

      Is that a good thing or bad thing?

      Reply
      1. mr. mzs zsm msz esq Avatar
        mr. mzs zsm msz esq

        It's very good thing, when I get old and lose my memory, I'll be always able to find this place with a google search! http://www.google.com/search?q=%22Fucking+Ramchar…

        Reply
    2. rwb Avatar
      rwb

      Fuckin' Ramcharger indeed. To this day one of the best names for any automobile.

      Reply
  2. Number_Six Avatar
    Number_Six

    How is the Fiesta a made-up name? It's a European Ford that debuted in 1976 and has been produced non-stop since then.
    Focus=Escort or Orion
    Fairmont=Granada or Sierra
    I doubt a single person would buy a car named Pinto, Fairmont or any kind of Squire today.

    Reply
    1. scroggzilla Avatar
      scroggzilla

      Can't we call the Fairmont a Cortina instead? It'd make Engineerd happy.

      Reply
      1. Number_Six Avatar
        Number_Six

        That crossed my mind for sure, especially since my parents owned examples of MkI, MkII, MkIII Cortinas.
        On a side note, cranky folks for a Friday -> love my -1 !

        Reply
        1. Deartháir Avatar
          Deartháir

          Came in here just to give you back a +1.
          ::fades back into darkness::

          Reply
      2. mr. mzs zsm msz esq Avatar
        mr. mzs zsm msz esq

        Would we get the European Granada too then!? Ehh, okay leave it a Torino, but make it the coupe along the way.

        Reply
    2. Shant Jaltorossian Avatar
      Shant Jaltorossian

      Oh, I know about the older Fiestas.
      I'm just doing this in mindset where North America is in a vacuum.
      Yes, the original Fiesta was sold here. No, I do not care. 😀

      Reply
    3. ThirdPedalGirl Avatar
      ThirdPedalGirl

      Pinto might have some problems selling just because of the whole, you know, fire thing that's emblazoned (hardy har har) in the nation's psyche.
      But Fairmont would have no trouble selling, and neither would Squire. People remember these names. They evoke a simpler, easier time in our country's not-so-distant past, and they'd work for that reason.

      Reply
      1. From_a_Buick_6 Avatar
        From_a_Buick_6

        Disagree. Outside of Ford loyalists and gear heads who love the Fox underpinnings, everyone who remembers it thought the Fairmont was thoroughly mediocre, bland and cheap. Sure, that describes a lot of cars of that era, but why relive it? To non-car people "Fairmont" is just a dorky, unappealing name for a car; Even in 1978 it was an outdated name.
        Falcon or even Maverick is a better choice.

        Reply
        1. RahRahRecords Avatar
          RahRahRecords

          seconded on the falcon

          Reply
    4. JayP2112 Avatar
      JayP2112

      Pinto, Vega, Aztek are all names ruined.
      But if Chrysler managed a 3 door hatchback Dart, I'd want it to be a Gremlin.

      Reply
    5. Peter Tanshanomi Avatar
      Peter Tanshanomi

      No, but I'd buy just about anything named Galaxie.
      I remember a TV spot for local (Buffalo, NY) Ford dealers in the early '70s that featured the French Connection skating around three Fords on a hockey rink. Most of the narration was done with an announcer's voiceover. It was soon evident why this was. At one point, each each player did a hockey stop next to a car and just said its name. Gil Perreault said "Galaxie 500" with such a thick Québécois accent that it was nearly unintelligible. It came out "gu-LEX-y fife un-DREAD"
      …which is exactly how it has sounded in my head since, anytime I read "Galaxie 500."

      Reply
      1. bhtooefr Avatar
        bhtooefr

        Would you buy it if it were spelled Galaxy, and were a minivan?
        Because they do sell that in Europe. Originally was a joint venture with VW (with a crapton of Ford throughout, although weird things here and there like VW switchgear in places, and some VW powertrains, but the chassis doesn't look very VW from the diagrams I've looked at), now is its own thing.

        Reply
  3. ThirdPedalGirl Avatar
    ThirdPedalGirl

    Fusion is such a stupid name. Mondeo is only slightly better.
    Torino is PERFECT.

    Reply
    1. Number_Six Avatar
      Number_Six

      I'd like to see an ambulance Ford Transit called the Transfusion.

      Reply
      1. ThirdPedalGirl Avatar
        ThirdPedalGirl

        THAT would be pretty awesome.

        Reply
    2. TrueBlue315 Avatar
      TrueBlue315

      I always lusted for a '70 SCJ Torino, complete with the laser stripe. Long, low, and mean.

      Reply
  4. jakebonz Avatar
    jakebonz

    In the spirit of Shant, I made one for Toyota's Lineup:
    <img src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-W7RmmAujFB8/UUxeQQ8grlI/AAAAAAAARxU/fmXCna1CgOU/s562/Untitled-2.jpg&quot; />

    Reply
  5. muthalovin Avatar
    muthalovin

    Now do Lincoln.

    Reply
    1. XRSevin Avatar
      XRSevin

      Lincoln Lincoln BoBinkin…

      Reply
    2. Shant Jaltorossian Avatar
      Shant Jaltorossian

      And… done. It can be found at my G+ profile linked above.

      Reply
      1. muthalovin Avatar
        muthalovin

        Yeah dude, Shawn Elkins here. Good job!

        Reply
  6. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar
    FuzzyPlushroom

    The Fiesta should definitely be called Fiesta. No doubt in my mind. Same with the Challenger – it's a Challenger!
    Now, I adore the 'Country Squire', 'Courier', and 'Ramcharger'. Those are perfect.

    Reply
    1. Shant Jaltorossian Avatar
      Shant Jaltorossian

      The elephantine size of the Challenger makes it a Charger in my mind. That, and I feel the need to rip the "Charger" badging off of the sedans being pumped out by ChryCo.

      Reply
      1. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar
        FuzzyPlushroom

        Actually, you're right. If the Challenger was a tiny bit smaller, Mustang-scale, then sure. Charger it is. Call the big one whatever, 'Monaco' would work, and DeSoto had a few good ones – maybe Adventurer and Adventurer Firedome for the Pentastar and Hemi models respectively.

        Reply
        1. Shant Jaltorossian Avatar
          Shant Jaltorossian

          One other thing: the Coronet and the Charger were the same mechanically, but naming the Charger "Coronet" wouldn't make much sense, as the Coronet was a mid-size car, like the Avenger.

          Reply
          1. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar
            FuzzyPlushroom

            True. I like your Challenger-becoming-Charger idea, though, because it's a largish, attractive, impractical two-door coupe. I do like the 'Coronet' name for the Avenger, but 'Avenger' is a nice name, too – think of the Hillman they imported in the early '70s.

          2. Kris_01 Avatar
            Kris_01

            Thing that gets me here is that "Caravan" as an applied nameplate is going on 30 consecutive model years. That's longer than "Sportsman" even if it conjures up visions of seventies-vintage 15 passenger church vans.
            Makes more sense to just leave Caravan as it is.

      2. OA5599 Avatar
        OA5599

        B-body Chargers had rear legroom appropriate for a taxicab. E-body Challengers had rear legroom bigger than 2+2 cars, but not all that comfortable for adults on longer trips. The modern Challenger may be bigger than the old one, but I would bet rear legroom is even less than on the original.

        Reply
      3. ptschett Avatar
        ptschett

        I have to disagree with the Challenger/Charger rename… the original Challenger E-body was a shortened B-body, where the new Challenger's LC platform is a shortened LX. Changing the names distorts the original relationship between the cars.

        Reply
      4. Devin Avatar
        Devin

        Chargers need electric shaver front ends, however.

        Reply
  7. Devin Avatar
    Devin

    Ford actually lost the rights to Futura to a tire company, didn't they?

    Reply
    1. krazykarguy Avatar
      krazykarguy

      Not sure about that, but I saw a newer XTerra the other day with ALASKA plates (in Vermont) that read "FUTURA".
      I had a confused.

      Reply
    2. JayP2112 Avatar
      JayP2112

      To Pep Boys.
      Ford sold off all kinds of names… Even GT40 was one I believe.

      Reply
      1. Devin Avatar
        Devin

        I understood more that they got really lazy keeping their copyrights protected, since they were trying to use those names a couple times and weren't able to.

        Reply
        1. JayP2112 Avatar
          JayP2112

          That may well be the case. I'd have to research it but it is Friday and I'm saving my google-fu for the Mystery Car.

          Reply
  8. LTDScott Avatar
    LTDScott

    Not sure how a Focus becomes a Fairmont, and then a C-Max is Fairmont Futura. Depending on the year, Futura denoted either a fastback coupe body style, or later just an upscale, better equipped Fairmont. The Futura was never a wagon.
    </Fox body pedant>

    Reply
    1. Shant Jaltorossian Avatar
      Shant Jaltorossian

      Oh, I'm aware. "Futura" just sounds futuristic to me, and hybrids are "futuristic."
      No harm meant. 🙂
      Oh, and I chose Fairmont over Maverick simply because there wasn't a factory Maverick wagon.

      Reply
      1. mr. mzs zsm msz esq Avatar
        mr. mzs zsm msz esq

        You'll love it: http://www.staceman.net/mav/brazil/index.htm

        Reply
  9. Jay_Ramey Avatar
    Jay_Ramey

    Can we do one for BMWs, where the model numbers have, uhh, some relation to engine displacement? Pretty please?

    Reply
    1. bhtooefr Avatar
      bhtooefr

      For what's sold in the US, and using the 1980s-1990s t designation to designate turbocharged, but using s in the 1980s gas engine sense instead of the 1990s diesel engine sense (sport, instead of intercooled, because everything turbocharged is intercooled now – basically, I'm using it to denote a higher output version). Add an x as the first letter for AWD.
      130i
      130ti
      130tiS
      320ti
      320tiS
      330i
      330ti
      330tih
      520tiS
      530ti
      530tiSh
      544ti
      630tiS
      644ti
      730tiS
      730tiSh
      744ti
      760i
      X120tiS
      X130ti
      X320tiS
      X330ti
      X530ti
      X530td
      X544ti
      X630ti
      X644ti
      Z420tiS
      Z430ti
      Z430tiS
      Not sure how to handle the X M cars, but otherwise, leave the Ms alone.
      And, really, that looks ugly, but it gets the point across.

      Reply
  10. quattrovalvole Avatar
    quattrovalvole

    I wish Mazda uses their JDM nomenclatures globally instead of the numbers…
    2 -> Demio
    3 -> Axela
    5 -> Premacy
    6 -> Atenza

    Reply
    1. Jay_Ramey Avatar
      Jay_Ramey

      Now that you mention them, I can sort of see why they don't use them globally.
      "Ask your doctor if Atenza is right for you!"

      Reply
      1. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar
        FuzzyPlushroom

        I do sort of like 'Axela', though. And is 'Atenza' any worse than, say, 'Camry'?

        Reply
      2. Vairship Avatar
        Vairship

        Along the same lines: I had Venza once, but the antibiotics cleared that right up.

        Reply
    2. ThirdPedalGirl Avatar
      ThirdPedalGirl

      Isn't Premacy a drug that prevents premature ejaculation?

      Reply
      1. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar
        FuzzyPlushroom

        That's citalopram. Trust me.
        I didn't have that problem, but… never mind, just trust me, okay?

        Reply
        1. ThirdPedalGirl Avatar
          ThirdPedalGirl

          I understand.
          You have this knowledge on a friend's behalf.

          Reply
        2. TurboBrick Avatar
          TurboBrick

          I thought that was the Mazda JDM minivan?

          Reply
        3. Vairship Avatar
          Vairship

          I'm pretty sure any kind of pram will cure that problem

          Reply
          1. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar
            FuzzyPlushroom

            I see what you did there, but I was referring to near-anorgasmia, not erectile dysfunction. 😛

    3. Maymar Avatar
      Maymar

      I see plenty of 3's wearing Axela badges, almost as many as those with rusty arches.
      Then again, I also once saw a early 2000s Toyota Echo hatch wearing Vitz badges – I'm mystified by the sort of person that cares enough to use the foreign badging on their car, but doesn't care enough to not drive a small Toyota.

      Reply
      1. Devin Avatar
        Devin

        A friend and I had a weird running joke involving Vitzes and Gran Turismo, and he otherwise didn't care that much about what he drove. But he's never actually owned one.

        Reply
      2. Kris_01 Avatar
        Kris_01

        I drive an Echo sedan – I'm very tempted to slap Lexus badges in place of the Toyota ones and call it by its JDM name – Platz.
        The Vitz is the hatchback Echo/Yaris. The USA never got the Vitz (Echo) hatchback, but we in Canada did.

        Reply
        1. Maymar Avatar
          Maymar

          Touche – you are definitely a rare breed though. Of course, if I'm honest, I drive a Hyundai Accent, and wouldn't mind throwing Dodge Attitude badges on it.

          Reply
  11. Stu_Rock Avatar
    Stu_Rock

    F-600 cracks me up. How true.

    Reply
  12. LBJs_Love_Child Avatar
    LBJs_Love_Child

    Falcon = Focus

    Reply
  13. Sky_Render Avatar
    Sky_Render

    I think "Pinto" and "Galaxie" are better names, honestly.

    Reply
  14. Tomsk Avatar
    Tomsk

    There, I fixed it:
    <img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8516/8580584489_608c2fbc84_z.jpg&quot; />

    Reply
    1. Kris_01 Avatar
      Kris_01

      Haha, yes! But no Wildcat?

      Reply
      1. Tomsk Avatar
        Tomsk

        I'd save it for the rumored Alpha platform model.

        Reply
  15. CABEZAGRANDE Avatar
    CABEZAGRANDE

    I'd say the Focus is more like the Falcon and the Fusion is more like a Fairlane. Those names actually might be better than what they have now. I'd save the Torino name for something a bit sportier than the Fusion. I'm thinking a new 3-series/E39 5-series sized RWD sedan on the underpinnings of the upcoming redesigned Mustang would be perfect. Hint hint Ford.

    Reply