Want to Drive a Tank? Driveatank.com Can Probably Help With That

I got your PAH! right here, pal.
I got your PAH! right here, pal.

With the Holiday season upon us like a lead blanket, we feel it’s our duty to provide suggestions for the Hoon’s Wish list. Who doesn’t want to drive a piece of military hardware? For a few grand you could run out and buy a 6×6 (seriously, they’re crazy cheap), but the homeowners association might take umbrage with parked on your front lawn. Besides, it’s really the heavy armor you’re interested in. That’s where self-explanatory Driveatank.com comes in.
For a few hundred bucks you can drive a tank, crush some cars and even shoot (blanks from) the gun! Alas, no US American hardware is available, due to some pesky laws about not selling strategic military hardware to the general public. Britain has no such laws (huzzah!) so your options are limey in nature. But hey: Tanks!

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  1. joshuman Avatar

    There was a show on a couple of years ago where the guys would buy up old tanks and rebuild them. In some cases, they had to do some serious fabrication and really fancy welding. I think it was called Tank Overhaul. I really liked the part where the shop guys would drive the tank around tossing sod into the air. Tanks are cool.

  2. P161911 Avatar

    Wonder if they would let you bring your own car to crush? "Hello, Hertz. I want a Chrysler Sebring Convertible with all the insurance you got!"
    I could see where this would be much more enjoyable than a 1/2 day rental of some sort of "exotic" Ferrari or Lambo, may not as good as a day at Skip Barber, but close. They just need to open a branch somewhere in the Southeast.
    I see this as an excellent business opportunity for the Las Vegas area. It seems that when you go to Vegas you are obliged to do some sort of crazy thing you can't do at home. What better than crushing cars with a tank in the desert?

    1. Benito Avatar

      Combine the car crushing in the Vegas desert with the killing hooker's and putting them in your trunk part of Vegas and you'll have rich men lining up in droves.

      1. JeepyJayhawk Avatar

        Crushing cars with dead hookers in them?
        Next on CSI…

      2. Maymar Avatar

        Also, there should be a firing range parallel to the line of <del>dead hooker storage</del> cars. Maybe you have to fire blanks out of the tank's gun, but it doesn't mean they can't send you along with something a little smaller, right?

  3. JeepyJayhawk Avatar

    Could go for driving a tank, but I think as most tanker crews are three, it would be kinda busy.

    1. P161911 Avatar

      All have only one driver. The other two are commander and gunner and a loader if no auto-load. I guess you have to stop and move around inside the tank to fire the gun. It looks like unless you pay extra to crush cars you don't get to drive a REAL tank, just an APC and a small self-propelled howitzer, which would still be really cool, just not a real tank.

  4. Maymar Avatar

    $300 to drive a tank is pretty decent, but for $3500, you could own one.

    1. JeepyJayhawk Avatar

      Hey look! it's peeking out suggestively. NO way that's the only good fender…

  5. engineerd Avatar

    It's kind of sad to see a once-great military power like Britain reduced to selling joy rides in its military hardware. Of course, they know that all they have to do is point the tanks east and France will wave the white flag.
    Have I offended anyone yet?

  6. P161911 Avatar

    The Google ad at the top of the page is just really creepy. sementanks.com I finally got up enough nerve to click it, cryogenic sperm storage tanks?!?

    1. engineerd Avatar

      The insemination guys around dairy (and I assume any sort of cattle) farms make some fat loot. Of course, the smaller operations are purely manual, so they earn every dime.

      1. Tim Odell Avatar
        Tim Odell


  7. BGW, Capt (Ret.) Avatar

    I drove a tank in a running war
    I didn't know what the shit was for
    You brought me out from your old chest drawer
    So baby hold on
    Never go to this awful town
    I get it on when it gets me down
    I'll never know when you'll come around
    That's why I drive a tank, yeah
    That's why I drive a tank, yeah
    That's why I drive a tank, yeah
    That's why I drive a tank, yeah
    That's why I drive a tank, yeah
    That's why I drive a tank, yeah

    1. zaddikim Avatar

      don't remember hearing a song like that, but I get the distinct impression it's a pun band.

  8. Hot Stripper Fan Avatar

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