24 Hours of LeMons: Saying goodbye toTeam Resignation's Ford Escort

Trailer_On

There was no fanfare as the new owner pulled the dented rustbucket away on the rental trailer, itself fittingly oxidized and tired. It was a thing that had needed doing and that thing was done. I plopped into my daily driver—which had temptingly housed the same type of motor as the heap I’d just sold—and headed for home and warmth. Shelter. I no longer owned a 24 Hours of LeMons car.

Before_1

Few would look at the former Team Resignation Ford Escort LX and see a racecar as it had been purchased. Those few and strange Escort snobs would, however, see the LX trim and know this oft-towed-behind-a-motorhome example was powered by an 88-horsepower relic and that most Escorts of this vintage sagged on broken rear springs as ours did. A performance vehicle, it was not.

Alan_1

But my co-conspirator, Alan Cesar of Grassroots Motorsports Magazine, and I had in 2010 cleverly grafted onto it the sportier bits from a totaled Ford Escort ZX2. The upgrades gave it 130 horsepower from a 2.0-liter Zetec engine, four-wheel disc brakes, and actual cornering ability. It only took six months of constant swearing, struggling with rust-caked bolts, and obliterating already-broken parts. Our knuckles had lain ripped open for most of that time and our morale waxed and waned; we were new to this sort of thing.

Nixon

Somehow, we two relative novices (along with an awesome rotating cast of friends and teammates) managed to get it somewhat-kind-of-almost prepared for its first LeMons race, the Rod Blagojevich Never-Say-Die 500 at Autobahn Country Club in October 2010. Our performance-enhancing efforts (PEEs) went completely unnoticed by esteemed LeMons Supreme Court Justice Murilee Martin, mostly because we shamelessly pandered to his obsession with Richard Nixon. He scarcely looked at the car and punched our ticket for Class B with zero penalty laps despite our poor accounting (Though it really is a $500 car).

TR_Nixon_Face

It mattered little; we (I) overheated the engine and warped the head less than an hour into the race. Like any regular idiots, we then swapped in the 210,000-mile Zetec engine from Alan’s daily driver ZX2, which took all of the first day’s remainder. The car turned laps like clockwork the next day and earned us the Heroic Fix trophy for our stupidity ingenuity. Two races later, the high-mileage motor still pulled hard with good compression on all cylinders.

TR_Team_Photo

While the Escort was never really competitive in Class B (We drivers were fairly leisurely, usually just happy when the car ran), it served as a LeMons introduction for nine different drivers and, more importantly, it generated lasting friendships and got plenty of hands properly greasy. 

While I had always done some work on my own driver, this was far and away the biggest project I’d ever undertaken, turning a passing interest in cars into a weird obsession with automotive oddballs and a bizarre writing beat about low-buck racing.

Full_Low_Angle

Alan moved to Florida in 2011 to write for GRM and we soon had limited time to spend on the car. It ran its last race in October 2012 and then sat for more than a year before we finally decided that someone else should have a crack at our crapwagon (or possibly have a crap at our crackwagon).

Tow_Out

We got an offer within six hours of listing it for sale and the new owner arranged to pick it up about a month ago to prepare it for the race at Gingerman this coming weekend. I arrived an hour or so ahead of the buyer on the agreed date, turning a wrench on it one last time and then tugging it out of six inches of accumulated ice and snow using, of course, a borrowed and beat-up Ford Escort.

Trailer_Nixon

After its liberation from the ice, the LeMons car drove onto the rented trailer without issue and the crapcan headed off for a new paint and a quick refresh before its first race in 18 months. I lingered for a moment, hanging onto the original Nixon mask that had adorned the car in all of its three outings, a weird totem that had somehow helped Alan and I get writing gigs. And then it was time to go. 

Cut_2

On the return trip, I stopped for a cheap milkshake at Fast Food Restaurant, whether for comfort or celebration, I can’t really say. But as I removed the straw’s paper wrapping, I noticed a little blood crusted on the first knuckle on my left index finger where the car had said its own silent goodbye.

[The former Team Resignation Ford Escort debuts with its new owner at this weekend’s 24 Hours of LeMons race. I’ll be there as a LeMons judge and hopefully liveblogging here if the Internet cooperates.] 

[All photos copyright 2014 Hooniverse/Eric Rood except photo #2 by Alan Cesar]

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12 responses to “24 Hours of LeMons: Saying goodbye toTeam Resignation's Ford Escort”

  1. Murilee Martin Avatar
    Murilee Martin

    The lesson here: Pander shamelessly to my obsessions, win LeMons trophies!

    1. Bret Dodson Avatar

      Yes Ma'am!

    2. Abraham Karim Avatar

      This is a very good article, I think there will be many people like it, of course, I was one of the people. I think this article increase my knowledge. it is nice to know this. Thanks for the time and effort.

  2. mdharrell Avatar

    "I no longer owned a 24 Hours of LeMons car."
    Should you decide to remedy this, LeMons needs more two-strokes.

    1. Nuclearspork Avatar
      Nuclearspork

      I'll also let you just give me money and you can say your one of the owners of my car.

  3. Rich Avatar
    Rich

    Looking forward to seeing this car in it's new entry form… I'll be an arrive and drive for my first LeMons this weekend at Gingerman. I finally get to see what this is all about.

    1. derekste Avatar
      derekste

      If this is the same Rich who is A&D'ing on my team (yet, whom I have never met)– you'll be delighted to know that this is one of our 3 cars.
      It is now painted purple with an easter bunny on the side…

  4. ˏ♂ˊ mzs zsm msz esq Avatar
    ˏ♂ˊ mzs zsm msz esq

    I can't even know 5% of your feeling right now Eric, chin-up, hoping for you to witness outstanding outstandingness and domination personally this weekend. Yesterday I sold Dale 'the BMW fighter' S90. The tow truck driver looked at me and said, "You had good times eh, boss?" Yes, yes we did…

  5. craigsu Avatar
    craigsu

    Not knowing exactly who's who in the group photo I will say that whoever's holding the Heroic Fix trophy reminds me of a grown-up version of Napoleon Dynamite.

    1. Eric Rood Avatar
      Eric Rood

      That's Alan. He'd probably not very happy at the comparison.

  6. austinminiman Avatar
    austinminiman

    The bizarre emotionalism in this post is what makes Lemons as special as it is. Outsiders think it's a demolition derby, but what they don't perceive is the intense love we have for these cars. Had our '79 300SD been bought by anyone else it would've served as an increasingly decrepit daily driver for several years until something expensive broke and it got unceremoniously carted to the scrap yard. Sure, the Planet Express is now turquoise, has a couple battle scars, and is decorated like a rocket ship including a giant fin, turret, and Weber grill derived rocket engine. Certainly it's not the most dignified of modifications ever performed on a classic Mercedes. But that car has been the center of more laughter, frustration, friendship, and above all, elation. And our team, which was once a vaguely related group of acquaintances, is now no less than family. Winning IOE was one of the most incredible moments of my life. After all the tools were packed and the crowd had gathered, I climbed into the Planet Express and drover it the 150 miles home. The tires were a little questionable, the exhaust leak had reached diabolical levels, and the brakes were at best a written request for eventual deferment of momentum. But it did everything we asked of it. She drove to the track, did 165 laps, and drove home. As I pulled it into the carport that night and kicked the kill-switch to shut it off with its characteristic rhythmic clunk, I had never felt such an emotional connection with an object. I looked back at her in the inky light of the shop, and realized I could not just unceremoniously stroll away. I half patted and half hugged our beloved ship, and as if addressing a loyal dog after an exhausting hunt, said "You did well today girl; I'm proud of you."

  7. topdeadcentre Avatar
    topdeadcentre

    Is this like yacht ownership? "The second happiest day in your life is the day you buy your yacht… The happiest day is the day you sell it."
    🙂