The 2016 24 Hours of LeMons season draws to a close this weekend at Sonoma Raceway just north of San Francisco and Oakland. California’s Wine Country has now hosted nearly more than a dozen LeMons races, which makes sense since it’s become the de facto “home” race for the series and many teams. December races in Sonoma County can be a weather crapshoot, but with early weather forecasts calling for sun and pleasant temperatures, it should be a perfect race weekend for the 188 registered teams.


“Wait, did he say 188 teams?”
Yep, this could very well be the most cars ever to race at Sonoma in one go so expect traffic if you’re going to be driving. So much traffic. As usual, the teams that manage traffic best and get the fewest black flags tend to do the best. Nobody does that better than 10-time winners Cerveza Racing in their BMW E28. Other multiple winners include the rental Model T GT (above), which has won eight times with various teams driving, and six-time winners Eyesore Racing, who will be racing for the 41st time in LeMons with their Frankenmiata.
You should also see some otherprevious winners—Pistola Alto (Nissan 300ZX), Team Blowe’s (Mitsubishi Eclipse), IWannaRoc (Chevy Camaro), Too Stupid to Know Better (Volvo 740), Flying Scotsmen (BMW E30), and Risky Whiskey Racing (Mazda Miata)—in the mix, too. A few other teams have been knocking on the door of a win this year and could become first-time winners, like D.A.R.E. (BMW E36) and the Discount Organ Delivery Racing Team (BMW E30). Tired Iron Racing (Mazda Miata), Old FARTS (Porsche 924S), Bunny With or Without a Pancake On Its Head (VR6-swapped Volkswagen Rabbit), and Team Blackbird (Chevy Camaro) are all regular Top 10 finishers.
Blah Blah Blah, amirite?

Who cares about any of that stuff? You probably just glossed over all of that, as you should. Here are what should be some of the Index of Effluency contenders, “explained” with random Simpsons quotes:
#22 Zitronen Kommando (Volkswagen Vanagon) – “Wow, the TV’s coin operated!” “And so is the Bible.”
#421 Team Westafari (Volkswagen Vanagon) – “So, uh, you guys are Eurotrash, huh?  How’s that, uh, working out for you?”

#249 Pony Keg (Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme) – “Excuse me Mr. Hutz, are you a shyster?” 
#81 Bodge Engineering (Toyota 1UZ-swapped Rover 3500 SD1) – “Hey, hey, Mr. Sparkle!  Mr. Sparkle!”
#559 Jeepstang (Jeep CJ5) – “I can handle that.  I’m an expert at phony apologies.”
#700 Silicon Junkyard Racing (Datsun 1600) – “Sugar?  Sure . . . here you go.  Sorry it’s not in packages.  Want some cream?” 

#785 Panting Polar Bear Racing (Rambler Classic) – “Hey, hey, I may be ugly and hate filled, but I . . . um . . . what was the third thing you said?”
That’s what you came here for, right? That’s what I came here to do, at least. Here, let’s add a couple more things.

Teams you should know: #147 My Fairlady Mopar (Datsun 280ZX)
At least one of the members of this team is some kind of Chrysler tech, so naturally he swapped Mopar V8 into this rotten Datsun. Strangely, though, he didn’t put an LA-series small block or even one of its later Magnum V8 derivatives in it. Instead, they put in the 4.7-liter Chrysler PowerTech V8 from an early-2000s Chrysler SUV. It’s a weird swap, but on paper a pretty good one: The base 4.7 made 235 horsepower and the high-output ones made 265. As far as we know, they’re the first ones to use the engine and while they haven’t won any races, the engine has lasted several races, or about as good as any average LeMons engines.

About #16 Roadrace Jones (Nissan Sentra)
In my previews going back a few years, I frequently mentioned the Lipstick on a Pig/Roadrace Jones Nissan Sentra SE-R as a possible contender for wins. And every time I did so, something broke on their car. The team always gave me a good-natured ribbing over that when I saw them at the couple of California races I attended, though they never seemed super-concerned with winning races.
Roadrace Jones’ team captain John Burgess died in July. He was always the first to give me a hard time over these predictions, always with a smile on his face and making an introduction even though I knew who he was. I suspect most people in the paddock did.
The Sentra will return to race for the first time without John this weekend. I’m smart enough to not give any expectations on their results, but as John was someone who enjoyed the camaraderie in the LeMons paddock, I can tell you accurately that he’ll be missed.
 
Here’s some semi-relevant information if you’re racing or following the racing, which you can do right here.

 
[All photos Murilee Martin and Nick Pon]